Not sure if I've been happy or sad lately. Life seems generally ambivalent.

I was rolling all over my bed last night, trying to sleep, half dreaming that the next day would be Wednesday instead of Tuesday. For some reason, this seemed to frighten my sleepy mind, and I woke to find myself curled back achingly tightly around my bed's only pillow.

I stopped talking with an old childhood friend recently. Before I went abroad, we found time to hang out at least once a week, and we never knew each other very well, but we had the sort of comfortable relations and memories you find amongst old friends. I got back from Turkey, and something had changed, and we hung out less and less over the weeks before school. I haven't talked to her for two weeks, and I called her once, and she hasn't even emailed me any sort of reply.

It's not so much the end of the friendship that hurts, but that I didn't see the end coming, and the last time I saw her she looked just as happy as she was ten years ago.

Zack says I seem more empathetic since getting back, and that's probably a good thing, but I don't know if I actually am more empathetic, or only better practiced at giving off that impression.

I remember swimming down the river which led between my hostel and the Olimpos beach.  The water was cold and I could see tiny snakes swimming away from my floating shadow, and all around me were the half hanging arches of ruined temples.

Even then, I think I still worried that I couldn't understand the other vacationers, and I couldn't understand the people back home, and nothing made any sort of sense, because I was swimming and five years from now I'd be at a desk, and fifty years from then I'd be in a hospital.